


The Lies Lachesis Told Me

by Kyriadamorte



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awkward Boners, Discussing Boundaries, Huddling For Warmth, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Oral Sex, Protective Finn, Protective Kylo Ren, Running Away, Touch-Starved, even finn is pretty sure that's not how the force works, force visions except not, kylo ren doesn't just have DREAMS like you PEASANTS, kylo's headspace is kind of its own tw, of the canon-typical variety, snoke being snoke aka a walking tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: “You came for me,” he whispers into his stormtrooper’s clavicle.“Of course,” he says and, yes, it must be destiny because he sounds so sure, so confident.“One day I will save you, too,” Ben tells him and he knows that this is destiny, too. “From anything, from everything.”~OR: That one where Kylo develops a crush on Finn and has dreams about him and Kylo thinks they are Force visions because he's obviously too good for the normal variety.  They end up together anyway.





	1. Part One - Kylo

**Author's Note:**

> Huge shoutout to everyone who has put up with me talking about this way too much. Especially witchoil, who helped me with some of the Snoke dialogue.

The first time it happens, Be- _Kylo_ is twenty-four.

 

He's been with the First Order for about a year, but his new title still feels as strange and foreign and heavy on his shoulders as the weight of his family's expectations ever had.He's still a bit shocked when officers and stormtroopers follow his command and he half expects the foreign diplomats that waft in and out of Snoke's chambers to confront him and demand that Leia Organa's son be excluded from the proceedings.

 

They never do.

 

He wanders the halls far more than he should, as if there will be some small corner of the Supremacy or a star destroyer that will somehow feel right, feel like _his_ place _,_ in a way that nothing has, yet.

 

On the day it happens, he's overseeing scattered units of stormtroopers training; they're not his responsibility, but it's something to do, all the same.He's seen them in and out of uniform, but he cannot help but still picture them all as a faceless sea of white helmets.

 

Not this one, though.

 

This one is still fairly young, but already fighting with a focus that is missing in the others that are in his age group.His muscles bend and flex and stretch beneath dark, glistening skin as he carries out the overly mechanized formations of stormtrooper hand-to-hand combat.There's a smoothness to him, though, that's missing from the others and- yes, _there_ \- it looks like he's improvising slightly.He wonders if Phasma will be pleased at his initiative or annoyed at his disobedience and non-conformity.

 

(A small part of him that he doesn't inspect too closely hopes it is the former.)

 

And, of course, any stormtrooper's fighting style, no matter how ... adapted, is going to lack the grace and elegance of his own, but Kylo has to admit that this one has a certain …beauty about him.His footwork could use some attention, certainly, but he has a tendency to swing his whole bodyweight into his offensive attacks in a way that is similar to Kylo's own style.He watches as the trooper takes on sparring partner after sparring partner since, apparently, he was the one to beat today.Though he is on his fourth, fifth, sixth match while his opponents are on their first, he shows few signs of flagging, although his thin training shirt is certainly clinging to his torso with a level of perspiration that wasn't there before.

 

He must have lost track of time because his musings are interrupted by a presence brushing at the back of his mind.He startles and clutches the handrail before him and blushes, though he's not sure why.He turns his mind away from any and all stormtroopers and focuses, instead, on his own training as he makes his way towards his master's chambers.

 

~

 

That night, though, his mind is bombarded with images of dark brown eyes and full lips (and clever, muscular limbs dancing in sinewy combat).He drifts in and out of focus, this stormtrooper, as dozens of scenarios kaleidoscope around them.Kylo tries to grasp at him, though, and the images slow slightly and the young man flickers more and more into focus.

 

His gaze wanders over Kylo's face.Has he ever seen Kylo's face before?He suddenly cannot remember.He thinks perhaps not, but something tells him _yes,_ this man knows him, knows him intimately.He can barely breathe at the flayed vulnerability of it.Are his ears turning red?He thinks perhaps they are, but the stormtrooper doesn't look at them, doesn't ever stop looking at Kylo's face.

 

"I saw you fighting," Kylo says, though he cannot remember forming the words."You were lovely." Fuck, that's not what he means to say. "Your style, I mean."

 

The trooper's mouth curves up into a smile and, oh, his face is, _well_ -

 

"You're so much better than they are," Kylo whispers, again, not quite in control of the words as they pass his lips.

 

His stormtrooper opens his mouth and finally speaks, "We're meant to be together, you and I."

 

As he says it, Kylo knows it to be true.There's something, a connection between the two of them, that's like nothing he's ever felt before.Not his mother, not his father, not his uncle, not even the Supreme Leader himself has ever sung beneath his skin and in his mind and within his chest quite like this.

 

His stormtrooper steps forward and tilts his head up and puts one hand at the back of Kylo's neck to pull his head down and then their mouths are slotting together and they're kissing.

 

"Ben," he says against his lips-

 

-and Kylo wakes up with a breathless gasp, drenched in a cold sweat with a semi-hard cock.

 

~

 

He tries not to panic all the next day, but his heart will not slow.He is painfully aware of the beat beneath his ribs, of the pulse in his ears.What the _fuck_ was the Force trying to tell him?He is Kylo Ren, heir to Darth Vader; his destiny is not, _cannot_ be tied to some lowly stormtrooper.

 

He tries to push the dream from his mind, tries to hide it away from the Supreme Leader ( _he doesn't need to know it's not his to see it's mine just mine something of my own)_ , but he's not sure how successful he is.

 

He makes a complete hash of a routine mission and is punished severely for it.He is grateful, as always, and clings to the pain and the focus it brings him.He pushes away medical droids and worries some of his scars over and over until a few of them start to fester and he's forced to give in to treatment.

 

He ignores his dream, ignores the existence of the stormtrooper in question, successfully, for three weeks, until he passes him in the hallway.He's wearing his uniform, including his helmet, so Kylo cannot see his face (which is fine, absolutely fine, he has no need to, anyway), but he can feel his presence like a bundle of warm embers glowing softly against their frigidly cold and sterile surroundings.When he's sure no one is looking, he scans through their records until he finds a face and the corresponding designation.

 

FN-2187.

 

~

 

The second time it happens, Kylo is exactly 25. 

 

Try as he might, he has not been able to completely banish the images of dark, clever eyes or soft, full lips or tensing, flexing muscles, but he has... _tempered_ his imaginings to reasonable periods - three minutes or so, here and there.And he’s kept to an appropriate timetable.He’s certainly never indulged on a mission or in front of the Supreme Leader or even when stuck in a meeting with that sniveling weasel Hux (as tempting as it occasionally is).He’s not sure what the Force wants to show him, but since he hasn’t been granted any more visions, there is little he can do about it and he cannot afford to let himself lose focus, not when so much is riding on it (on _him_ ).

 

It’s odd, what the Force decides to show him this time.He feels small, feels like Ben Organa - tiny, yet gangly and awkward at the same time.He’s sitting at a table, waiting for his birthday presents, but when his parents come in, all they have are a set of handcuffs.

 

“It’s for your own good, sweetheart,” his mother says sadly and Ben thinks she really might mean that.

 

“You’re too dangerous,” his father adds, looking sterner than Ben can ever remember him looking in real life. “I can’t take you with me if you’re going to break my ship.”

 

“I won’t,” he says, voice small and pleading in a way he both hates and cannot stop.He knows it’s a lie, knows he is destined to destroy everything, but it’s his _birthday_ ; can’t they wait until after he’s opened his presents?

 

“Please,” he says and he thinks maybe he has started to cry. “Please, I’ll be good.”

 

“It’s too big a risk,” his mother says, shaking her head and advancing on him with the restraints while his father holds him still.

 

“Stop!Please!” He’s definitely crying now, but he’s so scared that he cannot muster up enough energy to be ashamed.He knows what will happen next, what’s coming.Who’s coming.

 

His uncle advances on him, lightsaber drawn, ready to strike and it’s not fair; he never got to open his presents or-

 

All of a sudden, two strong arms scoop him up and out of range and they’re running, running, running.

 

Ben loops his arms around his stormtrooper’s neck (he doesn’t question why or how his wrists were freed from their shackles).He rubs his fingers back and forth over the hair at his neck finding something oddly soothing at the motion. 

 

“You came for me,” he whispers into his stormtrooper’s clavicle.

 

“Of course,” he says and, yes, it must be destiny because he sounds so sure, so confident.

 

“One day I will save you, too,” Ben tells him and he knows that this is destiny, too. “From anything, from _everything_.”

 

~

 

The third time it happens, it's after a day on his knees before the Supreme Leader, being berated and smacked about for his manifold failures.

 

In his dreams, the Force shows him a future where he's on his knees before someone completely different.Instead of a pale and shriveled figure in a golden robe, he looks up adoringly at his beautiful, smiling stormtrooper, clothed only in plain and simply-cut black.Kylo doesn't avert his gaze, doesn't even feel like he should, though his smile is as bright as the sun.

 

FN-2187 cups Kylo's chin, but, unlike with Snoke, he doesn't have to fight the urge to flinch, not at all, not even a little.Instead, he leans into his hand before turning and kissing his palm and then slowly sucking on his thumb.He runs his tongue back and forth across the skin.He sucks harder and he hears his stormtrooper moan.Something shifts and then they are kissing (the mechanics of it are hard to hold onto, for whatever reason).Something shifts again and his cock is Kylo's mouth and, somehow, he's able to take all of it in without difficulty.

 

"Touch yourself," he says, gently.

 

Kylo nearly weeps with gratitude and relief and clutches desperately at his stormtrooper's thigh in the hope that he is conveying at least a little bit of this sentiment as he lets his other hand start to rub between his legs.

 

He thinks, perhaps, that he should feel shame at having to give into his baser desires like this, but he doesn't, not even a little bit.The unexpected freedom of it is heady and he feels like he's floating.He thumbs the tip of himself through the fabric of his pants before running his fingers down to cup his balls and then back up again, tracing the hardened, pulsing outline as he goes. Kylo moans around his cock and he thrusts up into his mouth.

 

"Take it out," he says, as if _he's_ the one who can read Kylo's mind.

 

The feeling of skin against skin is amazing and then there are strong fingers winding their way through his hair and tugging and nudging gently and-

 

"You're so good to me, so good."

 

The shock of this statement jolts Kylo out of the dream and he comes crashing back into the here and now, even as he frantically grasps at the other man's words.He wakes up with his knees bent and his heels digging into the mattress as he thrusts up into his clenched fist.He groans in frustration as he tries to cling to the glimpse of the future the Force had given him.He bites his lip and holds his breath and uses his other hand to tug slightly on his own hair and then - yes, yes, _yes_ \- he thrusts wildly into his hand and - _there_ \- he's coming harder than he can ever remember doing.

 

The high of it carries him through the meeting that morning when he has to stare at Hux's stupid smug face for over an hour.

 

~

 

He stops counting after the fourth time.

 

~

 

He thinks, sometimes, over the years, about pulling his stormtrooper aside, into some dark, sequestered spot, and telling him everything.He tries not to linger too long on wondering what the other man's response might be, but somehow his musings always devolve into the two of them kissing, frantic, but relieved that they had finally found one another.

 

He never does, though.He thinks (hopes) that the Force will bring them together when it is time.Fighting against his destiny has always been pointless; he assumes this will be no different.

 

(There's a drawer in his quarters filled with half-written declarations on crumpled pages of his nicest stationary.)

 

~

 

When destiny catches up with him, it's not nearly as dignified as Kylo had hoped.

 

He's been sent to deal with guerrilla fighters in the mountains of Maq-sharen.That's the official line, anyway.Kylo has been told to destroy the entire network of settlements, if he has to; the tribal leaders are all corrupt and most likely in league with enemies of the First Order.

 

It's not a particularly pleasant assignment, but he is brimming with a sort of nervous excitement, regardless.

 

It is his first mission with FN-2187.He cannot stop himself from reaching out and brushing gently against FN-2187's warm presence every few minutes.He is nervous, anxious, full of something else, as well, something…But his presence, the fact that they are _together_ , that they will be working _together_ , it almost brings a smile to Kylo's lips.

 

He is punished for his good spirits before they even land.

 

The people of this planet are primitive things who, for the most part, still live in wooden shelters and caves.Because of this, they don't even bother to keep their shields raised as they begin their descent.

 

Mistake.

 

They are hit with two blasts from some sort of jerry-rigged cannon that send them spiraling off course and into the side of a cliff.Though the ship is made from some of the strongest metals in the galaxy, half of it crumples in defeat like paper against the mountain.They fall and fall and spin and though Kylo uses the Force to cushion himself, he's still knocked about quite a bit.

 

When they finally come to a stop, all of the officers are dead and most of the stormtroopers aren't fairing much better, though they had slightly more armor to protect them.He casts his mind about wildly, frantically, searching for a presence and, yes, _there-_ He nearly collapses in relief as he feels a familiar thrum in the Force, but he cannot.There's no time.

 

He moves towards his stormtrooper, knows he has to get him out of the remains of their ship before the fuel ignites and burns them to a crisp (or the rebels descend upon them and do something far worse with the survivors). 

 

He stumbles on nothing as a cold, familiar presence makes itself abruptly known.

 

_Leave them._

 

Kylo holds his breath, doesn't move (as if that will make any fucking difference).

 

_They are unnecessary for this task.You alone have the power and training to defeat the threat here.Leave them; they are ants, easily replaceable._

 

Kylo doesn't move.The ship groans around them, the lights flicker hauntingly, and Kylo is bathed in a shower of sparks.Still, he doesn't move.

 

His eyes slide over to the sprawled body in the corner, clothed in white armor, seemingly identical to the others.

 

Kylo has never let himself think about FN-2187 in front of Snoke, but he _has_ to - there is no other choice, no other _time_.Snoke has filled his mind and stretched himself into every corner of Kylo's consciousness, but his stormtrooper is _hurt_ , possibly dying, and he needs to make a decision, needs to choose quickly.

 

Kylo doesn't move.

 

 _What is_ this _?_

 

The bemusement in his voice is worse than any of the anger that Kylo had anticipated.He clenches his jaw as he feels his ears turning red with embarrassment.Snoke paws at the edges of his memories of his stormtrooper and Kylo resists the urge to push them behind a wall in his mind (he knows it would be pointless).

 

_Do you feel I have neglected you, my child?You, who I raised from nothing?You, the flailing, unbalanced creature who was rejected by his own family?_

 

No, of course not. (Yes.)

 

_Well, if that is the case, I will look into getting you a replacement.If you perform well here, there might be a toy waiting for you upon your arrival._

 

But Kylo doesn't _want_ anyone else.

 

Snoke's energy goes from soothing to scalding in less than a second.

 

 _You sniveling, pathetic little boy.Do you_ really _fancy yourself in love with some bit of cannon fodder to whom you have never spoken even two words?_

 

Does he?For all that he knows they are meant to be together, being in love had never actually crossed his mind.Snoke doesn't stop, though, doesn't give him time to ponder this.

 

_Do you really think he will ever look on you with anything other than fear?_

 

Yes.No.Maybe?He doesn't know, he isn't sure, he-

 

He remembers his dreams and the touch of soft, dark lips against his own.He remembers strong arms wrapped around him and grounding him.He remembers a peace and calm tinged with enthusiasm that he's not sure he's ever felt in his life.He doesn't hesitate a moment longer before grabbing his stormtrooper around the waist and dragging him from the wreckage.

 

The rest he leaves to burn.

 

~

 

The winds howl around them, loud enough that Kylo can hear it through his mask.They're only spotted once, by some isolated stragglers who had fallen behind the bulk of the raiding party that has descended upon the remains of their vessel like insects upon carrion.Kylo dispatches of them with quick, efficient strokes.He would have liked to take longer, would have liked to pour out some of his frustration and fear by hacking into their bodies, but a storm was descending and his stormtrooper was hurt.

 

He eventually finds a cave - not the wholesome, round kind you find in fairytales, but a jagged wound in the cliffside.He lays FN-2187 down on the ground and begins removing his armor.He flushes, though he's freezing (and slightly panicking); this was not how he had anticipating undressing the other man for the first time.

 

Snoke continues to rage in his head while Kylo tends to his stormtrooper's wounds.He gathers wood and lights a small fire just inside mouth of the cave and clutches his stormtrooper to his body protectively, wrapping them both in his cloak.All the while, a litany of punishments is whispered, shouted, snarled in his head.Eventually Kylo manages to push it back the way he used to when he was younger, until Snoke's voice becomes a monotonous, if malicious, hum.

 

Still, he doesn't sleep.


	2. Part Two - Finn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When FN-2187 wakes up, he is immediately aware of three things: more of his body hurts than doesn't, he isn't wearing his armor, and he is propped up against something warm. And breathing.
> 
> ~
> 
> In which: Finn gets his name, he and Kylo actually meet for real, and there is some totally pragmatic snuggling and awkward boners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer-than-expect wait between updates. Hopefully the length will at least partially make up for the delay!

 

When FN-2187 wakes up, he is immediately aware of three things: more of his body hurts than doesn't, he isn't wearing his armor, and he is propped up against something warm.And breathing.

 

"You're awake," says a deep, modulated voice right next to his left ear. 

 

He startles, nearly jumping, which is a _huge_ mistake, according to pretty much every rib he has and also his entire right leg.He takes in a hissing breath through gritted teeth and tries to turn and face his…captor? Rescuer? His neck pops and his head pounds in protest.

 

"Stay still; without proper supplies, your wounds will need to heal in a more…traditional manner."

 

Although he's still curious, FN-2187 complies and relaxes slightly against the broad chest behind him.He looks down at the arms wrapped around him, holding him firmly in place.Black gloves, black sleeves with a peculiar pattern that resembles a bizarre sort of exoskeleton, voice modulator…Clarity pierces through his sluggish, pain-induced haze to say-

 

"You're Kylo Ren!"

 

Great.He's alone, injured and of course he has to open his mouth like an idiot in front of his superior officer.Well, sort of.FN-2187 has never really been sure where Kylo Ren fits on the First Order military hierarchy.He’s pretty sure it’s higher than him, though, which is the point.

 

There's what can only be described as an awkward silence before, "…Yes."

 

More awkward silence.And considerably less yelling and chastisement than he was expecting.FN-2187 (who has, arguably, never known when to shut up) takes this as a good sign and says, “What happened?”

 

There's a breath that sounds incredibly odd through the mask and, for a moment, it seems like he's not going to answer, but then-

 

"The rebels were more heavily armed than anticipated.Our ship was shot down before we had completed our descent."

 

He waits for more information, but none is forthcoming.Okay, wow, that was…vague.And hugely uninformative.

 

"And the others?Are they-"

 

"There were no other survivors."

 

Shit.Now it made more sense why he had bothered saving him.On the one hand - good, he was valuable.Unlikely to be left behind.On the other hand….They were so screwed.No ship.No back-up.Not much in the way of supplies.

 

"Okay, so, um, what's the plan?"

 

"Plan?"

 

Double shit.Is Lord Ren aware that he's the one in charge here?Wait, _is_ he the one in charge here?Maybe there's some sort of loop-hole he doesn't know about wherein the highest-ranking officer somehow outranks Kylo Ren and, since he's the only one left, that makes _him_ the highest ranking officer and-

 

"Well, we don't have much of a choice until your wounds heal and the storm lets up.We're going to stay here."

 

He doesn't sound as confident as FN-2187 had expected (or hoped).Still, it's not like he has any better suggestions.

 

"And then?"

 

"And then I will inform you."

 

It's probably the least comforting or convincing thing FN-2187 has ever heard from a commanding officer, but he decides to let it go.

 

~

 

Kylo Ren wriggles out from behind him after a while and FN-2187 lets out an involuntary hiss at the sudden loss of warmth.

 

"I'll be back soon," he says and it shouldn't sound so comforting in that deep, oddly modulated tone, but it does.

 

He wants to ask where he's going (wants to ask him not to leave), but his insolence seems to be all used up for the moment so he just nods silently and watches him go, a black figure getting smaller and smaller against a sea of white.

 

~

 

He's not quite sure how long he is left alone.He takes the occasional sip from the canteen that was left next to him, but there is little else for his mind to hold onto.He _does_ come to the very firm conclusion about an hour or so into his wait that he _hates_ snow.He'd dealt with the simulated stuff before in training, but there's a _very_ big difference between doing a few hours' worth of exercises in nice soft fluffy stuff, knowing that you were eventually going to get out of it and dry off, and sitting still while sharp, jagged crap keep slicing into your face and getting into your uniform and then _melting_.

 

He's in the middle of slowly rotating his body to move his other side towards the fire when the corpse of a large, dead animal is dropped to the cave floor and, without nearly enough warning, the expressionless, severe features of Kylo Ren's mask appear uncomfortably close to his face.He startles and braces for…well, _something._

 

“You _are_ afraid of me.”

 

It’s weird; he sounds disappointed and...sad?If he didn’t want people to be afraid of him, he’s really not chosen the right get-up.Although, now that he thinks about it, maybe Kylo Ren hadn’t actually had a choice in the matter any more than he himself had.Maybe it was all part of the uniform, including the mask....

 

"Ah, the mask."

 

Fuck, he really _can_ read minds.

 

Kylo Ren leans backwards slightly, lifts his thumbs to his chin and then removes his mask with a slight flourish.

 

FN-2187 isn’t entirely sure what he was expecting.Something with fangs, for one.Or horribly scarred.Possibly bald with yellow eyes.It certainly wasn’t this.

 

Kylo Ren is not only human, he’s...well, _pretty_.That’s really the only word for it. Even with a bruise marring his kind of absurd cheek and huge bags under his eyes, his face still looks like something from a holo.And his hair is floofy and shiny and definitely _way_ longer than regulation length.Guess it’s different when you’re some sort of dark wizard.

 

He must be staring because Kylo runs his hands through his hair and darts his eyes away.When he speaks, it's to the dead animal that he's started to skin with his lightsaber (an incredibly gross and inexact process). 

 

"We don't have much in the way of rations; we'll have to supplement with the local wildlife if we're going to last until….If we're going to last."

 

"Gotcha," FN-2187 responds."And…thanks.For getting…whatever this is."

 

At that Kylo stops and turns.His wide, dark eyes lock with FN-2187's and there's something oddly vulnerable there.He should worry, perhaps, that Kylo Ren is reading his mind again, but he doesn't - just holds his gaze in this moment that feels a bit too heavy.

 

"You're welcome," he says, eventually, as if he's only just realized that there's a standard response for these sorts of interactions, and the spell is broken.

 

~

 

The…thing that Lord Ren has killed for their supper is chewy and slightly bitter.Neither of them have gotten ill, yet, so he's pretty sure that it's not poisonous, but the gnawing and endless chewing isn't really creating a warm or social atmosphere.Not that being wounded and stranded on a frozen mountainside is terribly friendly atmosphere to begin with.Or, you know, basically any setting at all with Kylo Ren.

 

He does seem to be _trying_ act friendlier and less intimidating, FN-2187 will give him that, although most of his efforts feel like something you'd read out of First Order "Basics of Socialization" manual.He's sitting cross legged, shoulders slightly slouched, and definitely making an effort not to just _stare_ all the time (although he has varying levels of success).He keeps using his name all the time, too, which would be weird enough even if it weren't so long.After the the third time he bumbles the stream of syllables, he throws a stick into the fire and fixes FN-2187 with a _look_.

 

"Your name - or designation, I suppose - takes an absurdly long time to say,” Kylo Ren says, as if this is some sort of deliberate, personal affront.

 

"Hey, I didn't exactly have a whole lot of choice in the matter!" he snaps, in a tone that would _definitely_ not have been tolerated a few days ago.

 

“It doesn't seem very pragmatic when giving orders,” he continues, not bothering to acknowledge FN-2187’s Very Valid Point.

 

No shit. There’s a reason he and the other troopers tend to give each other nicknames.He doesn't _say_ that, though.He knows he's pushing boundaries, but he hasn't been reprimanded (or killed) yet so he asks, "Well, what do you wanna do about it?"

 

"We could give you another name.Kasmir or Samrin or Ajam or-"

 

"Look," he interrupts, before Kylo can get going, "those all sound a bit too fancy for me. FN- why don't we just go with something close to that?Like Evan or Afren or Finn or something."

 

For a moment, it looks like Kylo wants to protest.Perhaps he was really attached to those froufrou names.His face relaxes, though, into something almost…fond.

 

"Fine, Finn it is."

 

~

 

Things get more and less awkward after that.Less, because there's something about hearing _Finn -_ short, compact, a _name_ \- that lets him relax and shrug off the parts of the First Order that have him constantly awaiting a reprimand (or reprocessing).He even tries out "Kylo" a few times with no ill effects, which feels pretty nice, too.More, because his body remembers it has to do stuff like _pee_ , which he can't really manage on his own without making a mess of their tiny campsite.

 

Kylo lifts him (at least partially with the Force, he's pretty sure) with a surprising gentleness, avoiding the worst of the injuries on his torso.Doesn't mean it doesn't still ache and sting.As he unzips his pants, he sees Kylo's eyes go wide.He whips his head away from Finn and clenches his jaw in a way that looks painful.

 

Apparently, when you're high up on the chain of command you don't have to deal with pedestrian things like seeing other guys' junk.He's nice enough not to comment, though.

 

Huh.Kylo Ren - nice.Not a thought he ever expected to have.

 

~

 

When night falls, Kylo helps Finn lie down on the small patch of available ground next to the fire.Once he's sure Finn's situated, he looks at the spot next to him and opens and closes his mouth a few times in a way that's almost funny.He's pretty sure he knows what Kylo wants to say.Even with the fire and the small wall of snow Kylo built at the cave entrance, it's still cold as balls.Besides, it's not like there's a whole lot of ground to choose from.

 

Finn takes pity on him after about a minute (at least partially because the ground is _cold_ and he's _cold_ and this whole situation is _stupid_ ).

 

"We should probably sleep together-" Kylo's eyes go wide and he looks like Finn's slapped him and fuck, _not_ what he meant, "I mean, sleep next to each other."Crap, crap. "It's, uh, pretty cold out there."

 

Nice save.

 

He doesn't comment, though, on Finn's verbal vomit - just gives a quick nod before taking his place beside him.He's stiff as a board and his eyes are wide open, but the drugs Finn's taken have made him too tired to deal with Kylo Ren's discomfort at slumming with the riff-raff.Still, it's a bit hard to relax into sleep when you've got a giant dark wizard lying next to you, staring at the ceiling.

 

"Your voice," Kylo says, eventually."It's…different."

 

"Um, I guess?I mean, my throat is a little sore....”

 

“That’s not what I meant.”

 

Finn waits, but Kylo doesn’t clarify what he _does_ mean.

 

“...okay.”

 

He closes his eyes and tries to sleep, but his brain keeps snagging on the same question:

 

_Different from what, exactly?_

 

~

 

He wakes up, once again, with long, strong arms wrapped around him.His nose is buried in the black cloth on Kylo's chest and his leg, injured as it is, has still attempted to hook itself around the other man's thigh.That's not the worst part, though.No, the worst part is that his dick, despite the meds he's taken (or perhaps _because_ of them? He's not really sure how Regens work), has taken an interest in…well, _something_.

 

He tries to turn away gently and quietly, but his battered body is not a huge fan of sleeping on rock and he jerks and hisses as he rolls away.Kylo's eyes shoot open and dart around wildly for a second before landing on Finn's face and relaxing.His features quickly school themselves into something more business-like as he says, "We should check your wounds.Make sure nothing is infected."

 

"Uh, yeah, good idea," he says, eloquently, wriggling off of Kylo's arm and pushing himself into a sitting position. 

 

Together, they roll up his shirt until his entire torso is exposed.The cold hits his skin in a way that is almost sharp, now that he's no longer protected by cloth or a broad chest.Kylo just stares at him and he wonders if it really looks that bad.Kylo clears his throat and begins to examine Finn's wounds.Finn grits his teeth and tries to ignore both the pain and…other things.His nipples have hardened against the cold and Kylo's gloved fingers trace electric paths down his chest and over his ribs.

 

"Well, it's no bacta suit, but it does look much better than yesterday.How's your leg?"

 

"Better," Finn says, bending and flexing it experimentally. "Still pretty stiff, but I think at least some of that is from lying on the ground."

 

"I should check and make sure-"

 

"No!" Finn interjects, grabbing Kylo's hand before it can make contact.The last thing he needs right now is some pouty-mouthed dark Jedi with floofy hair putting his hands anywhere near his groin.

 

Kylo eyes shift down to where they're now essentially holding hands and, because Finn can't catch a break (or, perhaps, because Kylo's reading his mind - hard to tell), his gaze eventually lands on Finn's groin.The black fabric, though helpful, is not quite enough to disguise his erection.Kylo's hand grasps Finn's a bit tighter and his mouth drops into a small "o" and, fuck, Finn has never been more embarrassed in his whole life.

 

"It's not that bad, honestly.I've definitely had worse.Nothing broken this time, at least - just a bit bruised," he says, words coming out a mile a minute in the hopes that it'll be enough to erase the last thirty seconds of his life completely.

 

"Just because you don't have multiple fractures or a training spear through your calf doesn't mean that your leg isn't still badly injured," Kylo scolds.

 

"Yeah, that one was pretty messed- wait, how do you know about that?"

 

"It's in your file," Kylo responds, like _Finn_ is the one being weird here.

 

His mind spins and he squints slightly as he tries to put the pieces together in a way that even remotely makes sense.

 

"So…did Phasma tell you about me?"Finn knows that she'd had _plans_ for him; she'd hinted as much pretty much every time he was reprimanded for even the smallest infraction.

 

"What?" Kylo responds, looking utterly bewildered.

 

Okay…not that, then.Curiosity and caution war with each other before curiosity wins out.

 

"But…why then?Why would look in some random stormtrooper's file?Or do you just go through all our files?"

 

The corner of his mouth twitches up in what might be a smile, "No."

 

He doesn't expand, just sits there being all broody and enigmatic in a way that Finn has begun to both recognize and find deeply annoying.

 

"So, you were just stalking _me,_ specifically?What did I do?I thought we were-"

 

He wants to say _'_ friends,' but he realizes how fucking stupid and ridiculous that sounds.They'd only just met not even a full day ago; the revelation that Lord Ren had been, well, _spying_ on him shouldn't smack so much of betrayal, but it does.

 

Kylo's expression falls and he goes through confusion, realization and dismay in quick succession, "I- what? No, I wasn't _stalking_ you!I just-"

 

He snaps his mouth shut and huffs through his nose while his eyes dart back and forth on the cave wall a bit to Finn's right.His lip juts forward in a ridiculous pout as he works his jaw in frustration and Finn tries to focus on being pissed off instead of fascinated.He keeps his mouth shut against the urge to fill the awkward silence.No, Kylo's not getting any help this time.

 

"You're special, Finn," he says, after a while.His voice has gone soft and quiet, nearly breathless in its intensity.

 

"I'm really not," Finn answers.He's been told as much enough times to know it to be true.

 

"You are though," he cuts in, his unwavering gaze pinning Finn where he stands. "I cannot tell you the details, but the Force has revealed to me that you have- that you are _important._ "

 

"I- wait, the Force said _what?"_

 

"I _said_ I cannot tell you the details," Kylo says in a voice that is more than a bit defensive.

 

"So, the Force just taps you on the shoulder one day and says 'Keep an eye on that random foot soldier; destiny might want him at some point'?"

 

"That's not how the Force works."

 

Finn tries not to roll his eyes.He fails.

 

"I didn't mean to-" Kylo says, still flustered and flailing. "I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or…to _intrude;_ I just-"

 

"You just went through all my files, including my medical history, with no tactical reason for doing so."

 

His jaw does that _thing_ again and, okay, that's really fucking unfair; Finn is trying to stay mad at him.

 

_Focus._

 

"I just wanted to keep an eye on you…to make sure you were all right."

 

Finn's pretty sure there's more to it than that, but Kylo's looking fairly dejected and appropriately contrite and holding a grudge against his only ally wouldn't be the smartest move.

 

"Fine, just…don't do it again."

 

"As you wish."

 

~

 

The days pass both slowly and quickly.The Regens heal him enough that he's no longer in danger of infection or bleeding out, but they run out before the bruises and scars fully fade.He can walk without Kylo's help, though, which is enough of an improvement for Finn.Being able to relieve himself without assistance was honestly the most important gift any chemical substance has ever given him and he is absolutely including the stim that helped him get through his Mid-System Trials at fifteen.Being reprocessed has nothing on enduring Kylo's hands on his torso while his dick was in his hand (and the achingly awkward energy the other man emanated while pointedly not looking at Finn).

 

He's not quite strong enough to go hunting, but he can gather wood and keep the fire going and generally contribute so he doesn't feel like he's on the verge of being left behind once Kylo realizes he's more trouble than he's worth.He worries about that less and less, though, the more he interacts with Kylo Ren.The man isn't winning any personality contests anytime soon, but they've reached a sort of weird camaraderie - certainly friendlier than most of what Finn has managed with his fellow stormtroopers in the past few years.Kylo's got this bizarre, twitchy energy and he sometimes creeps around Finn like a beast who cannot quite decide if it wants to flee or attack - especially in the immediate aftermath of the earlier…revelations.But he's making an effort - Finn can tell.It's written all over the awkwardly blurted personal questions Kylo asks when the silence between them goes on too long.

 

_What's your favorite food?Was there any part of your training you enjoyed? Did stormtroopers play games?Have you ever heard of this novel?_

 

The answers to any personal questions lobbed _his_ way, however (when Finn can muster up the courage to ask, that is), arecagey, vague and laconic.He gives away more than he intends to, though.For example, Finn knows Kylo had parents.Parents that he knew, that is - not like Finn himself.He knows there's a hurt there; what the source is and how old, Finn cannot tell, but Kylo's face screams these secrets so loudly that he thinks he understands why he usually wears the mask.

 

The nights have changed, too, grown warmer.The first few had started very much the same: the two of them, flat on their backs, barely touching, staring up at nothing in awkward, cold silence.They always wake up in a tangle of limbs or shivering semicircles, curled in on each other.On the third night, they cut out the intermediate steps.Kylo tentatively extends his arm and Finn lays his head against Kylo's broad chest.In the silence, Finn can hear Kylo's racing heartbeat beneath the many layers of fabric.He's not quite sure what to do with his hand; he places it on his own thigh, then curls it against his chest, but both feel odd and uncomfortable.He slowly edges it out over Kylo's chest and lets it hover there while he wars with indecision.When his fingers finally make contact, Kylo takes in a shuddering breath.

 

Still, they say nothing.

 

Finn has few memories of touch that are not tinged with violence and combat.He remembers clutching at various dormmates when he was small, remembers being separated from them again and again when they were caught.He remembers glances and grazing touches in the showers in the early days of adolescence before that was beaten out of them, too.It all seems so long ago.

 

He knows what it's supposed to look like.Or, at least, a version of it.He's seen intimacy before, in the monthly holos he and the other troopers were ~~forced~~ allowed to watch.There were grand gestures and swooning kisses, but they all took place before a sleek, urban backdrop featuring protagonists with highly polished features and not a single hair out of place.Their cramped little campsite isn't the appropriate place for this, he's sure, and their stale clothing that reeks of sweat and blood and soot isn't right, either.And yet…and _yet…._

 

He doesn't have the courage to throw himself at Kylo.Nor the inclination, if he's being honest.He _does_ give in to the urge to trace small, shy circles on Kylo's abdomen.Kylo's arm tightens around him in response.They stay like that, reveling in the quiet warmth of the other.

 

Finn's eyes start to grow heavy and his hand moves to Kylo's waist, tugging him closer as he begins to descend into sleep.He's almost completely gone when his fingers brush over a small, metal bump on Kylo's belt.He's barely conscious, but he's programmed enough of them to know what it is.

 

"Oh, is that why we haven't gone anywhere yet?" he murmurs into Kylo's chest.

 

"Mmm?" Kylo responds; he must be near sleep, too.

 

"The tracker on your belt - are we waiting for someone to come pick us up?"

 

Kylo sits up abruptly and reaches full wakefulness in under a second.

 

" _What?"_

 

Finn's still a bit grumpy from being rudely dislodged, so it's possible he snipes a bit, "You know, the tracker on your belt?I assume that's why we're just sitting here with our thumbs up our-"

 

Kylo moves again, ripping at his belt like it was on fire.He runs his fingers back and forth (somehow managing to miss the tracker entirely).

 

"You didn't know it was there?"

 

Great.Did the higher-ups really not know the first thing about basic equipment checks?How could he have a tracker attached to him for gods know how long and not be aware of it?

 

"Here," he says, grabbing the belt and showing Kylo the small device.

 

For a moment, Kylo is completely still.Then, in a furious explosion, he rips it off, snarling, before throwing it against the cave wall.It bounces off in a way that is a bit anti-climactic.Kylo jumps to his feet and stomps on it again and again until there are chips and wires scattered across the cave floor.That doesn't seem to be enough, though, because he ignites his lightsaber and stabs at the fragments until there is nothing left.

 

He stands over the singed floor, breath heaving, before turning to Finn and growling, "Pack your things and get dressed.We have to leave immediately."

 

"Wait, what?It's the middle of the night!"

 

" _For fucks sake!Can't you just do as you are told?_ "

 

He should have known it was coming, but it still stings.

 

"I didn't know that's what you wanted from me, _sir."_

 

He spits the last word and, by the way Kylo flinches, he seems to take it as the insult it was meant to be.He deflates a bit at the chastisement and arranges his features into something appropriately pleading and contrite, "Look, Finn, we're not going to be rescued.No one is coming for us…at least, not to help us."

 

Finn's world tilts slightly."Wait, what?"

 

"The Supreme Leader wanted me to let you die and suppress the rebellion.I…disobeyed orders.We can't go back, Finn. _Neither of us can ever go back_."

 

His voice cracks slightly on the last sentence, as if he's only just realized it himself.Finn knows this should disturb him more than it does, but he cannot move beyond- "You disobeyed orders?To save me?"

 

This seems to put the breaks on whatever downward spiral Kylo had started.His eyes meet Finn's and he whispers "Yes" as if it really were the simplest thing in the world.As if there had never been a choice.

 

Finn's not quite sure what to do with this information, but he's far more inclined to listen to Kylo than he was three minutes ago.

 

"Okay then - where do we go?"

 

~

 

There's a deep, narrow valley with jagged rocks a few miles from their currently location.It's fairly far away from most of the settlements and the terrain makes it nearly impossible for any spacecraft to land there.It'll be tough for them to navigate, too, but Kylo's fear is a hard thing to shake.

 

"If he catches us, Finn… _you don't understand_."

 

He does, though.At least, he thinks he does.

 

He puts out their fire, grabs his things, and takes one last steadying breath before following Kylo out into the dark. 

 

 

 


	3. Part Three - Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wants to stop, wants to find some place safe and warm, wants to take care of Finn and feed him and bathe him and fall asleep curled in on him. But he can't - they've tarried too long in one place as it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up nine months late with smut and Starbucks*
> 
> ummmmm yeah I dunno if I have a good excuse. Thank you to everyone who is still sticking around and reading this fic. Hopefully this chapter was at least kind of worth the wait.

Kylo is such a _fucking_ idiot.

 

How could he not know there was a tracker?He's managed to quiet the snarling, raging malice that sits at the back of his mind, but he suspects that, if he listened closer, he'd feel something scathing and gleeful.

 

_They're coming.They're coming.You're a stupid, thoughtless child who never learns.You can't leave him and he'll never leave you.He'll hunt you both down and kill Finn in front of you and it will be your fault, all you f-_

 

Enough of that.

 

He glances back at Finn and winces as the wind whips at his face.His stormtrooper is still trudging along steadily a few paces behind him.The limp is small, but noticeable; he still hasn't finished healing properly.Kylo turns back and curses under his breath.He wants to stop, wants to find some place safe and warm, wants to take care of Finn and feed him and bathe him and fall asleep curled in on him.But he can't - they've tarried too long in one place as it is. 

 

He casts his senses out wildly in a burst of paranoia, sure that Snoke's forces are already here, waiting around every corner.Nothing.Well, not _entirely_ nothing.There are some large prey animals a ways off (he'll have to keep an eye on those) and several dim signatures from the villagers in the opposite direction, getting ever fainter as they walk further and further away.No troops, though.

 

Their pace slows as the snow gets deeper and the descent gets steeper.Kylo's beginning to see the downside of venturing out at night, but he's never been one to back down once he's committed to a mistake, so he pushes onwards.

 

~

 

The first flecks of dawn are beginning to peek up over the horizon, but they still haven't reached the bottom of the valley.The snow is coming down hard again and has started clinging to Kylo's face and clothes - melting and freezing and piercing him to the bone.He's begun to lose feeling in his nose and lips.For a moment, he longs for the mask, abandoned on the floor of that cave.

 

_Thing's probably bugged to high-hell and back.Wouldn't be safe._

 

Kylo's used to pushing himself well past the point of pain, past the point that most can endure, so he almost doesn't notice when Finn goes straight through the snow, through the _ground_.Almost. 

 

The sharp shock of fear and a loud " _Fuck!"_ do a pretty good job of piercing through his near-meditative haze.

 

He whirls around just in time to see Finn's head disappear as if devoured.He tries to slow his descent with the Force, but he's so shocked and confused and fucking _exhausted_ that it's possible that he's not entirely successful.There's a muffled thump and some hushed cursing, followed by a string of louder, more panicked cursing.

 

Kylo rushes to the hole that's opened up, screaming, "Finn!Finn are you alright?What's down there? _Are you alright?_ "

 

"I- uh- yeah, I'm okay, I think, um, physically.But…Kylo?I think I'm in something…some _one'_ s house….and they're still here."

 

Fear shoots through Kylo, followed by self-loathing (a familiar pattern of emotions, to be sure).

 

_Stupid, reckless.You tried to save him and you've failed, of course you have.You should have waited - he's going to be killed and-_

 

No.Kylo's not going to let that happen.He can't feel the other being, but he musters up as much persuasion as he can into his voice, saying, "Whoever you are, he means you no harm.If you touch him, though, _I will kill you in the slowest, most painful way possible_."

 

There's a beat of silence and then-

 

"Um, Kylo?I don't think you need to worry.I'm pretty sure they're dead."

 

Relief and annoyance hit Kylo simultaneously.

 

"You couldn't have let me know that from the beginning?Was the melodramatic storytelling really necessary?"

 

"Melodra- _Are you kidding me?_ You are the last person in the universe who gets to talk about melodrama!"

 

" _They're still here_ ," Kylo mocks in an overly tremulous voice.

 

"Hey," Finn says, defensively. "I fell through the ground and got dumped into a creepy cave-house-thing with a dead body; precisely how was I not supposed to be freaking out?"

 

Kylo weighs his options and decides to just jump through the hole Finn had created….or possibly discovered.He lands with a light _fwump_ and dusts the snow off his robes.

 

He turns to Finn, who's rolling his eyes."Of course you had to go and make that look cool."

 

If it weren't so fucking cold, Kylo's sure his ears would be turning red.It's stupid and completely inappropriate, considering the situation, but he's disproportionately pleased by his stormtrooper calling him 'cool' (especially considering this is probably the first time _anyone_ has ever used that word to describe him in his entire life).

 

He tries to maintain some semblance of dignity and turns to look about the room.A large, scaled, clawed creature lays slumped over in the corner, a massive fur cloak wrapped around its shoulders and an intricate set of beads clasped about its neck.He steps over and begins to remove the cloak.

 

"What the-" he hears Finn mutter under his breath.

 

"It's _cold_ ," Kylo snaps, defensively.

 

"Yeah, but…. _gross._ "

 

Kylo doesn't really have a response to that. 

 

After a prolonged struggle with the door, he manages to force it open enough to push the body out.He turns to see Finn coaxing a fire to life in the small pit in the center of the room.His heart aches and he clenches his teeth as he sees the bags under his eyes and the way his fingers tremble slightly.

 

"I-I'm sorry for…for rushing us out like that."A beat, then something occurs to him. "I hope I didn't frighten you."

 

Finn turns to him, wearing a soft smile."Nah.I mean, I'm not gonna lie; I'm scared as hell, but not of _you_.Not anymore.Not _really._ "

 

"But," he continues, "speaking of being scared as hell…What are we going to do?You said Snoke was gonna try to find us, so we run, _obviously_ , but where to?Outer Rim, maybe?The Repub-"

 

"I don't know," Kylo breathes out, staring at the flames.His voice is barely even a whisper, but his confession is a shout in his own ears.He doesn't know.He doesn't know anything - never has.He's trying to take care of Finn, take care of them both, but he _can't_ because he doesn't know what to, doesn't know what _the fuck_ to do.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"For what?" Finn asks and, bless him, actually sounds sincerely confused, as if it isn't obvious what an incompetent idiot Kylo is.As if he hasn't had front row seats to a whole string of his failures.

 

"Are you really going to make me say it?" Kylo snaps and immediately regrets it.Finn isn't a bit of spare equipment Kylo can hack at.

 

"I dunno," Finn asks, unfazed, "are you really trying to apologize for saving my life?For taking care of me?"

 

Kylo's not really sure what to say to that.

 

Finn chews his lip and looks down and away so Kylo is a little startled when he turns quickly and presses (smashes) his lips against Kylo's.It's odd; his lips are puckered, but clamped shut and he isn't moving at all.This is nothing like Kylo's dreams, but, then again, perhaps they were showing a more distant future.He moves his lips a bit, hesitantly, and then sticks out his tongue, trying to get Finn to open his mouth.Finn startles and backs away, wide-eyed.

 

His visions had made all of this seem much easier. 

 

They try again, darting at each other in uncoordinated stops and starts.When their lips touch this time, it's feather-light, barely more than their warm breath mixing in the cold air.Their mouths are both slightly open and that seems to help proceedings _immensely_.Kylo's sure he's shaking, but hopefully Finn won't notice or will think it's just the cold.When their mouths finally slot together more firmly, Kylo tries sucking Finn's lower lip into his mouth and - _yes_ \- Finn's moan and soft pleasure shoot through him like warm tea.Finn's hands reach up and loop under Kylo's ears and for once he's not even thinking about how big they are.It's Finn's fingers, of all things, scraping lightly at the base of Kylo's neck that have him jolting into action and pushing Finn up against the wall.Empty bottles on nearby shelves jostle slightly at the impact and one falls to the floor, shattering.Neither of them so much as flinches at the sound.

 

He runs his hands down the front of Finn's chest.He's not sure if this is a _thing_ for men in the same way it's a _thing_ for women (at least, he's pretty sure it's a thing for women), but he's wanted to touch Finn's chest from the first time he saw him, sweaty and sparring and glorious.There's far too much clothing for Kylo's touch to actually being doing much and he can't make out more than the vague outline of muscles under layers of cloth, but Finn seems to like it because he moves one hand behind Kylo's head and pushes his mouth more firmly against his own and then - _oh_ \- there's tongue.

 

At first, it's a bit too much.Invasive and odd and not quite what he was expecting.He pushes back, though, with his own tongue, and then there's a give and take that's a bit more gentle and actually quite nice.He lets his hands wander down from Finn's chest to his abdomen and then out to his sides and hips.He hesitates for one breath, then two, and then he's moving his hands out over Finn's unfairly shapely backside.

 

Finn's hands snap to Kylo's own ass, pushing them together.His erection presses and grinds against Finn's stomach for a minute or so as they move frantically, if somewhat ineffectually, against each other.Then Kylo has a stroke of genius.

 

He loops his hands under Finn's thighs and then he's lifting him up in one swift movement.There's a bit of an awkward moment when Finn arms flail a bit before settling around Kylo's neck and there's a sting of pain and the taste blood from where Finn's bitten his lip, but overall the situation has definitely improved.Neither of them have unclothed in the slightest, but it still feels so fucking good as Kylo thrust roughly against him while his heels dig sharply into Kylo's backside.

 

It's good, it's so good, and then Finn starts wriggling and then breaks away from his lips and says, "Kylo, please-"

 

Kylo's listening, definitely, but he takes this opportunity to explore Finn's neck.With his teeth.

 

"Fuck, _yes,_ " Finn gasps, pressing up against him. "but Kylo, please, I _want-"_

 

_"Yes,"_ Kylo hisses against him, "tell me."

 

"I'm trying to!" Finn says, but there's more amusement and endearment to his response than actual exasperation.

 

"Hmmm, go on, then," Kylo hums into Finn's neck.

 

"I want to touch you."

 

A smartass part of him that sounds a bit too much like Han Solo wants to respond, "But we _are_ touching."Finn sound so sincere, though, and even a little bit shy.Besides, it's not like Kylo disagrees with his suggestion.

 

He twirls in a way that he will admit is a bit dramatic before depositing Finn in a heap on the pile of furs that Kylo assumes is a bed.Finn winces and Kylo berates himself a bit, but Finn's smiling and laughing and tugging on the front of Kylo's robes, pulling him down on to the bed.Kylo tugs the fur cloak up and over the both of them and can't help but notice that there's a lot less complaining about how gross it is.

 

He hovers over Finn and, despite his eagerness, simply looks at him for a moment.It's happening.It's actually happening.The Force has _finally_ brought them together. 

 

Finn's hand reaches up and cups Kylo's cheek gently.Kylo takes in a shuddering breath before closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to Finn's.

 

"I've waited so long for you."

 

He can feel Finn's confusion, but he doesn't have the strength to answer any question he might have so he just presses his lips against the other man's and, _there_ , back on schedule.

 

First, they just kiss, falling back into a rhythm of lips and teeth and tongue.Then, Finn makes good on his initiative from earlier and starts moving his right hand down Kylo's torso.He cups and strokes at Kylo, who's moaning shamelessly into Finn's mouth at this point, before pulling away in frustration. 

 

"How is it that your outfit manages to make _less_ sense than a stormtrooper's?" he grumbles, fumbling with the front of Kylo's trousers.

 

Kylo huffs out a laugh and pushes away slightly. The each take the moment to disrobe.Well, partially - it's still cold as Corellian hell, even with the furs and fire.Cocks get freed, though, which was the important bit, and then Finn's hand wraps tightly around Kylo's shaft.It feels good - great, really - but it's a bit too tight and Finn's palm is covered in callouses.Kylo lets a sharp " _Ah"_ and Finn flinches back as if burned.

 

"Sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed, refusing to meet Kylo's gaze.

 

Well, this won't do at all."Hush now," he says, before taking Finn's fingers and sucking them into his mouth, all the way through to the third knuckle.He licks and laves at them with his tongue while meeting Finn's gobsmacked gaze with his own (hopefully) much more seductive one.Judging by the way Finn gulps and licks his lips, Kylo has succeeded.

 

He takes Finn's fingers from his mouth slowly, grazing the tips of his teeth along the finger pads in a way that has Finn sucking in a shuddering breath.Kylo manages to keep to a reasonable level of smirking as he guides Finn's hand back down to his cock, shows him how to grip, how to pull.He sighs and moans and bites his lip as Finn starts to figure things out on his own.

 

Wait. Shit.He should be doing something.He shifts his weight more firmly to one arm so that he can touch Finn in return.It's not as easy as he thought it would be, especially with Finn's touch feeling so _fucking good_ and everything's backwards and Kylo's definitely not smirking now, he's going to mess this up, going to-

 

"A little tighter," Finn grunts out. "Yeah - _fuck,_ Kylo - like that.More- _shit_ \- more at the tip."

 

Kylo obeys and the way Finn scrunches his eyes shut and moans and presses his head back and thrusts into Kylo's hand is honestly even better than his hand on Kylo's cock.They keep at this for a few minutes and Kylo won't lie to himself and pretend there's not a bit of competition between them.They each push the other closer and closer to the edge while trying to maintain their own balance.Kisses are peppered across the few bare patches of skin - nose, neck, ears, eyebrows - wrists and elbows knock against the other.It's fumbling and ungraceful, but truly the best kind of sparring.

 

Kylo thrusts into Finn's hand, his nose buried in Finn's neck, and thinks he might be ready to admit defeat soon.Finn seems to be of a similar opinion.He lets go of Kylo for moment to shimmy their hips closer together and then grasps both of their cocks in one hand.

 

The hot, pulsing, silky-smooth skin on one side juxtaposed with the rough, colder palm on the other nearly short-circuits Kylo's brain. _"Finn."_

 

"Yeah," he says in a puff of warm breath against Kylo's nose. "Me too."

 

He uses his other hand to pull Kylo's head to his and kisses him full on the mouth.It's only a few quick thrusts and both their hands working furiously and then Kylo is groaning into Finn's mouth and spending himself all over poor Finn's shirt.(He'll feel guilty about it later.)

 

Finn follows soon after with desperate, panting "Oh, oh, _oh-_ " that Kylo thinks he'll probably remember until the day he dies.

 

(Which, hopefully, won't be as soon as he fears.)

 

Kylo falls to his side to avoid crushing Finn, but pulls him close, looping their legs together and wrapping his arms around him.Finn returns the embrace and nuzzles against his forehead."Let's rest a bit, yeah?"

 

Kylo nods wordlessly.He _is_ tired.And they have gone so very far.

 

~

 

His dreams are filled with screams and burning buildings.

 

Snoke's voice pierces through it all like a knife.

 

_You can still come back, my child; it is not too late.Come back to me and I will show mercy._

 

To Kylo, maybe. After a fashion.But to Finn?

 

He steps into a burning building and lets the flames consume him.

 

~

 

Kylo jolts awake, which, in turn, wakes up Finn.There a muffled "what the-" and a jerking twitch of a knee that is _entirely_ too close to Kylo's nether regions.Quick reflexes and a well-placed hand salvaged the situation.And…once his hand is _already_ on Finn's thigh…he might as well…

 

There's much less awkwardness this time as they kiss.It's a slow give and take and the whole tongues business seems much less intrusive.Finn's weight atop him is solid and anchoring and warm.He cups his his jaw and marvels at the small muscle movements, at the steady pulse beneath his thumb.

 

He manages to make Finn come first this time (not that it was in any way a contest) and when he comes himself, it's a slow easy thing that bleeds into a warm sense of contentment. He nuzzles into Finn's neck and starts planting kisses in the space behind his ear.

 

"So, what happens now?"

 

"We keep running I suppose." Kylo tries to keep the irritation out of his voice, but this is not the sort of discussion he really wants to have while trying to bask in afterglow.

 

"Well, what does the Force say? You said I was important; what for? Do we need to be doing something?"

 

"I…I'm not sure.The Force…my dreams… it isn't always clear," Kylo hedges, not entirely comfortable with the rapid-fire questions.

 

"Why don't you tell me more about them? Maybe I can help you figure it out."

 

Kylo does - although he's not entirely sure how useful this exercise will be; he doesn't expect a non-Force sensitive to succeed where he has failed.He _does_ gloss over the detail in some places, but for the most part it's a fairly accurate accounting of his visions over the years.

 

Which is what makes it deeply distressing to see Finn's face fall into what can only be described as a confused scowl.

 

"I don't get it."

 

Kylo tries not to lash out.He really does, but- "Look, I've told you everything I remem-"

 

"Yeah, but how can you be sure it was the Force?"

 

_What?_ "I- What?"

 

"I _mean_ how can you be sure you weren't just, I dunno," Finn pushes on Kylo's chest to sit up a bit as he visibly searches for the word.He eventually lands on "- horny?"

 

No. That's not- no.

 

"It's not like that!"

 

"Well, what's it like?" There's an edge of irritation in Finn's voice and an undercurrent of…fear.Kylo doesn't like that, not at all.

 

"It's deeper.It wasn't just….that sort of thing."

 

Kylo realizes his reticence regarding the use of the word "horny" is a bit ridiculous considering he had the man's cock in his hand not five minutes ago, but that's hardly the point at the moment.

 

"I mean, are there clues?How can you tell it's not just a crush?"

 

"A _crush?"_ Kylo can't believe this.

 

"You know, when you like someone romantic-"

 

_"I know what a crush is!"_

 

"Okaaaay," Finn says and Kylo can tell he's trying to placate him.It's not working. "Then _tell_ me.Tell me how you know it's the Force."

 

There's a hint of desperation in that last sentence that, in turn, ignites a chilling, creeping anxiety in Kylo.

 

Kylo flounders.He doesn't remember much about Force Dreams; neither Snoke nor Luke ever seemed particularly interested in them.But it has to be true.It _has_ to be.

 

Finn keeps going, panicking slightly at Kylo's silence. "I mean, come on, I've had dreams about a couple of people," _that_ grates deeply, but Kylo tries not to get too jealous, "but that doesn't mean we're cosmically destined to be together!"

 

Kylo's mind races as he tries to remember something, anything that will support his convictions. But he can't.There's nothing.He opens his mouth and closes it a few times.

 

(He's sure he looks just as stupid as he feels.)

 

Finn sits full up at this and crosses his arms over his chest."You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

 

This isn't how it's supposed to happen.

 

"Did you really think I was stupid enough to just eat up all those lines about the Force and destiny and-"

 

"It's not a lie!"

 

"How long have you been planning this?"

 

"I- What are you-"

 

"When you were snooping over my medical files, were you already planning how you were going to abduct me?"

 

_"Abduct you?"_

 

"You were the one who rearranged it so that I would be on this mission in the first place!"

 

"I didn't even know until we were already leaving-"

 

_"Bullshit!"_  

 

At that, Finn pushes off of him and starts fussing with his clothes.

 

_No. No no nononono._

 

Kylo scrambles to stand, but Finn's had about a forty-seven second head start on him and that's more than enough because, while Kylo's still fiddling with his trousers, Finn's fist has pulled back and hit him full on the nose.The shock and pain has him stumbling backwards, his arms windmilling out behind him in an attempt to stop his fall.

 

"Finn, with the _fuck_!"

 

His face is screwed up in a mix of determination and fury that's so incredibly beautiful Kylo might be tempted to have him again, were it not directed at him.

 

"Did you kill them?"

 

"Who?" Kylo asks, wiping away the blood that has started to drip over his lips.

 

"The others. My squad mates.You said they died, but how do I know you didn't just kill them to get-"

 

"I didn't kill them!"

 

(He didn't save them either.They were still alive and burning when he'd left with Finn.)

 

His guilt must have shown on his face because-

 

" _Liar."_

 

At that, he turns at storms out the door.

 

Shit.Kylo runs, stumbles over the pile of blankets at his feet. _Shit fuck shit._

 

"Finn, come back!"

 

He makes to the door and looks out. Nothing. Nothing, but howling snow.

 

_"Finn!"_ His voice breaks with despair as he howls back.

 

Silence.

 

And then…a voice - cold and echoing.

 

 

 

 

_I told you he could never love you._


	4. Part Four - Finn (End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn doesn't know if he's ever felt like such a fucking idiot. And he's spent most of his life under Phasma's watchful eye, so he's been made to feel like an idiot more times than he can count. The Force? Destiny? What the hell was he thinking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around with me for *over a freaking year* as I wrote this thing. Not gonna lie, I'm kinda emo that it's ending, but I'm also so excited to finish telling the story I set out to tell. I hope you all enjoy it.
> 
>  
> 
> Note/TW - There are some very minor/vague allusions to sexual misconduct/abuse. It is not between Finn and Kylo. Feel free to contact me if you want more details before reading.

Finn doesn't know if he's ever felt like such a fucking idiot.And he's spent most of his life under Phasma's watchful eye, so he's been made to feel like an idiot more times than he can count.The Force?Destiny?What the hell was he thinking?

 

He slips on a rock hidden beneath the snow and falls to his hands and knees. He scrunches his eyes closed - against the wind, against the pain still pulsing throughout his body, against the hurt and betrayal and despair that's clawing up his-

 

He knows exactly what he was thinking.He was thinking how nice it was to be singled out for something other than his skill with a weapon.He was busy basking in the unwavering attention of the dark, mysterious (handsome) Kylo Ren.He was soaking up the sensation of being someone….special.Someone chosen.

 

_(You are a number, FN-2187. A cog in the machine.)_

 

He grits his teeth and gets to his feet and continues trudging blindly through the wind and snow.He's always done well with tests of endurance.Even wounded.Even now.

 

Finn's not sure where he's going and every question he'd lobbed at Kylo is echoing in his own ears.He'd thought it was dumb and misguided when Kyl-when _Lord Ren_ had just wandered off blindly, even when Finn had been under the impression that there was some sort of cosmic plan behind it all, however vague. It's _definitely_ dumb and misguided now when Finn _knows_ that he himself has absolutely no idea what he's doing.Just another way that he's been such a colossal-

 

No, there will be more time for self-reflection and self-flagellation later. For now, he has to get away from that hut.Get away from that bed.Get away from the memory of kisses and warm embraces and a deep voice gasping his name like he was the only important thing in the whole-

 

He has to get away from Kylo Ren. 

 

It's not like Finn hasn't seen this shit before.Officers whose eyes linger a little too long on a certain recruit's form during training.Special "meetings" to discuss "strategy" and "training regimens" that go late into the evenings, eating into recreation hours.Bruises that don't come from sparring.

 

It's against the rules, of course.But so is disobeying a superior officer.

 

Finn's not sure if he's ever seen something this elaborate, though.Murdering all the other troopers in his unit seems a bit over the top.And how had Kylo Ren planned to get shot down? Was he cooperating with the rebels?But if he had been, why hadn't they gone to them when they first crashed?And, more than that, this all seems a like a lot of effort for a quick fuck.He'd seemed genuinely terrified to think that the Supreme Leader was coming after them. Why bother if they were going to have to deal with the consequences?Maybe he was lying…but…if that was the case…why didn't he lie when Finn asked him about his visions?Is it some sort of power grab?What's the point of it all?

 

It makes less sense the more Finn thinks on it.Doesn't mean he's going back, though.

 

He's in the middle of convincing himself that, no, he was still in the right, when he's face-to-face with a blaster.The wind and terrain made it necessary to more or less stare at his feet, so he really can't be blamed for the fact that he's missed about a dozen storm troopers standing directly in front of him.Or the small shuttle parked behind them.

 

(Finn has definitely never felt like this much of an idiot.)

 

"FN-2187, stop where you are and put your hands up!"

 

He's already stopped, but he puts his hands in the air obediently.He recognizes the voice barking the instructions, even underneath the voice modulation - FN-7761 has always been a bit jumpy, a bit too quick on the draw.Best not to test him.

 

"You will tell us the location of Kylo Ren."

 

That voice come from his left,HF-3312 - a lanky woman with great stamina and astonishing computer skills, but who has never been much of a fighter.Interesting.

 

"I dunno.He might still be on the planet."Apparently he's not able to turn the smarts off, now that he's turned it on.

 

"You two were the only survivors.We know you left the site of the crash together.Give us his location, and we'll make sure that your reprocessing goes as painlessly as possible."

 

CB-1193.Finn has only sparred with him the once.It was quick, easy, even.His footwork had been weak and easy to exploit.

 

"I'm not really sure what to tell you.I don't know where he is."

 

Not a lie, technically.For all he knows, Kylo had jumped off a cliff in a fit of pique and melodrama after Finn had left.

 

(The thought shouldn't worry him like it does.)

 

"You have one last chance, FN-2187," barks FN-7761, shoving the blaster further into his face. "Give us his location and no one needs to get hurt."

 

Finn's eyes drift left, then right, taking in the soldiers around him. So many.Probably too many.They're hardly the cream of the crop, but still.

 

I doesn't matter; he's not going back.

 

"Look, I'm not sure what you want me to say; I don't know where he is." He takes in a breath, steadies himself. "And, by the way, my name is Finn."

 

He ducks quickly, missing not one, but two blaster bolts that all but graze his scalp. He pulls the arm pointing the weapon in his face up, then back, then there's a quick pop and a scream as it's ripped out of its socket.He wrenches the limb back ruthlessly - another scream - and then FN-7761's body is in front of him.He's not good at dealing with pain - he never was - so Finn's able to maneuver him rather easily.His torso eats the blaster shots meant for Finn and then one, two, three. His dead weight is too much for Finn to hold so he grabs the blaster as the dead trooper slides lifelessly to the ground.

 

Weapon now, but no cover, no surprise on his side.

 

He gets a shot off, then another before he's forced to dive and roll out of the way of a barrage of blaster bolts.He hears at least one body fall to the ground, but he can't look, can't see who it is.

 

He kicks out at HF-3312 and she's not ready for it, of course she's not, standing stiff as a board, knees locked.She falls and it's all too easy to shoot her straight in the face.

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck.What are you doing what are you doing._

 

He's killing them.The people he grew up with.He's sparred with them, shared a table with them, shared a room with them, and he's killing them. And they're trying to kill him, too.Years and years and it doesn't matter, not even a bit; it's so _fucked._ Finn can barely breathe and he's not sure if it's the wounds in his ribs or the pull of death around him, but it doesn't matter; he doesn't have time to fall apart.

 

Something pulls at the edge of Finn's awareness.He whirls and fires blindly - _please_ \- and, thank the fucking Force it hits.

 

Doesn't take care of the seven troopers that still have their weapons trained perfectly on him.

 

"FN-2187!" shouts another trooper (Finn's not quite sure who) - quick, nearly frantic. "Drop your weapon and get on the ground, NOW!"

 

Finn's heart is beating in his neck.The terrain is garbage.He doesn't know who most of the remaining troopers are.Maybe he can take them.Maybe not.Probably not alive.

 

_Why are you even bothering with this?For Kylo?_

 

_He saved me._

 

_Did he?_

 

_He was so afraid.He doesn't deserve to go back….I don't deserve to go back._

 

Finn knows what reprocessing looks like, what a brain scrape looks like.Knows what people look like at the end of it.He counts the blasters in front of him.Yep, still seven. 

 

He'll take his chances.

 

Finn's not quite sure what prompts him to run straight at them, shooting and screaming like a madman.He's not sure how he manages to fell any of them when he can barely hold his weapon straight. He's not sure how _they_ don't manage to hit _him_.

 

He's definitely not sure how Kylo Ren manages to appear without any of them - including Finn himself - noticing.

 

Everyone certainly notices when a head goes flying.

 

The remaining troopers turn to Kylo as one in a way that would be funny if Finn weren't so torn between being shocked and horrified.His black cloak billows out behind him and his saber swings down again and again, blocking and slashing and oh gods his hair and _fuck_ , but he's beautiful, even though Finn's still pissed at him. A part of him thinks absentmindedly that this is probably the first time the other stormtroopers are seeing Lord Ren without his helmet.

 

"Shoot, damn it!"

 

Right.Perhaps a bit too absentmindedly.He raises his weapon and shoots; it's a lot easier when all of their attention is on the looming black figure descending upon them, wielding a blade that's half-fairytale, half-nightmare.Finn might not look quite as impressive, but he still kills them all the same.One, two, another.He's always been a great shot.

 

Kylo himself takes down the remaining five troopers handily, albeit with far more spinning than Finn thinks is entirely necessary.When the last trooper falls gracelessly to the ground, silence drags out between them, broken only by the wind and their own heavy breathing.

 

Finn cannot bring himself to look directly at Kylo, not for the longest time.When he does manage to drag his gaze to Kylo's face, he realizes he's still a step ahead of the man himself, who is staring pointedly at the corpses in front of him, panting out clouds into the frigid air in small puffs.

 

When he finally snaps his head up to look at Finn, it's so quick and sharp that Finn nearly stumbles back in shock.That, and the way Kylo positively snarls at him.

 

"What. The _fuck_. Were you thinking?"

 

"Look, I didn't _know_ they were here!It's not like I planned-"

 

"I told you they were looking for us!Why would you just wander out on your own?Am I really so much worse than-"

 

His jaw snaps shut.He breathes deeply through his nose and looks away.

 

Shit.Is he…? Fuck.

 

Finn's not sure how to handle hurting Lord Ren's feelings.Not when he's still pissed.

 

(Not when he still _wants_ to be pissed.)

 

Guilt chips away at him after about seven seconds, though, so he gestures to the carnage in front of him and says, "I think it's pretty obvious I don't think that."

 

Kylo shifts ever so slightly and peers at Finn from the corner of his eye. He probably thinks he's being subtle.Idiot.

 

"Why did you run?" He says, soft, small - unfairly so. "Are you afraid of me?"

 

"A bit, yeah," Finn says. He feels sorry for him, but he's not gonna lie.

 

More sulking.

 

"Look, what was I supposed to think?What _am_ I supposed to think?You basically stalked me and separated me from my unit and the only time I've ever seen big wigs like you take an interest in troopers, it's been shady as fuck-" Kylo startles at that, actually looking Finn full in the face now. "-and then you make some shit up about the Force and visions and crap just to make me feel special-"

 

"I didn't make anything up! You just don't underst-"

 

"-and for all I know you killed off my entire unit just so you could-"

 

"I didn't kill them!" Kylo snaps, all affront and ruffled metaphorical feathers. "I barely had the time and resources to save _you_ , do you really think I should be blamed for not wasting them on a bunch of people whose names I don't know? Who were probably dead or dying anyway?"

 

"To be fair, you didn't really know _my_ name until a few days ago," Finn argues.

 

"To be fair, _you_ didn't really know your name until a few days ago," Kylo responds with entirely too much self-satisfaction.

 

Finn is _not_ going to smile at that.He's still mad.He refuses.He absolutely refuses.

 

(His lips are traitors, but that's hardly news.)

 

Kylo must take Finn's smile as encouragement so he decides to push his luck, cocks his head at the bodies surrounding them and says, "And to be _entirely_ fair, I'm not sure you're exactly in a position to be lecturing me about killing stormtroopers."

 

Finn finches at that.Fair, but it still hurts.

 

Kylo steps towards Finn, slowly, cautiously, like he's afraid to spook him.But Finn's not afraid, not really.Even if he maybe should be.He doesn't flinch.

 

He raises his hand to touch Finn's face, but drops it quickly before he makes contact.He stares at his feet, opening and closing his mouth a few times before, "I don't…I didn't know…about the officers.About them singling out stormtroopers for….for…I'm not like that, Finn.I'm not like them.I wouldn't do that to you, to anyone. Not ever. I swear it."

 

There's a heat, an intensity behind his words that's got Finn suspecting a few things. None of them certain, but none of them good.He'll ask later.

 

"Look, I want there to be something between us.But not if it's not what you want," he peers up at Finn at last, though his head is still bowed, and he looks so young it's almost unnerving. "Did…did you want it?When we were together…did you want that?"

 

Finn could say no.He could test the truth of Kylo's conviction, could force him to put his money where his mouth is.But it would involve a rather big lie on Finn's part.One that would hurt Kylo quite a lot, too, possibly irrevocably.

 

"Yeah….yeah, I wanted that."

 

Tension eases slightly from Kylo's stance."Good.That's…that's good."

 

He straightens, lifts his head, puts back on the confident mantle of Lord Ren at least a little bit. "Well, it seems we find ourselves in possession of a space craft.What do you say we get off this frigid hellhole?"

 

"Not before we set some ground rules."If they're doing this, they're gonna do right.

 

The wind chooses that moment blow an uncomfortable amount of snow directly into their faces.Right.

 

"We can set the ground rules inside, though."

 

Kylo raises an eyebrow and is probably laughing at him a bit, but Finn is too cold to care.

 

~

 

The door hisses and slams shut behind them and the resulting silence in the absence of howling wind rings in Finn's ears. 

 

"It's…uh….it's really quiet now, huh?" he says, shifting awkwardly.

 

Ugh, small-talk - _really?_ This is not the strong authoritative way he had planned on starting this conversation.

 

"I believe you said something about ground rules?" Kylo Ren asks, cocking his head and crossing his arms over his chest.And apparently ignoring Finn's fumbling, thank gods.

 

Right.Now it's his turn.To say stuff.Shit, this was a lot easier in his head.

 

"Um, right, so, first things first.If we're going to be together - whatever that means - then we're gonna have to start being honest with each other.No bullshit, okay?"

 

"I have _never_ lied to you!"

 

"You knew all about me and looked into my file and probably did even more poking around without letting me know that you were doing any of that or even….I dunno…speaking literally one word to me? You get that that's creepy, right?"

 

Kylo doesn't say anything, but the way he grinds his teeth and looks away makes it pretty clear that he does.Now, at least.Hopefully.

 

"Listen," Finn says, trying to hit a nice sweet spot between firm and soothing, "I get that you don't _want_ to act like some shady superior officer.But the thing is, if that's the case, you're going to have to…not act like some shady superior officer.Not even a little bit.No more poking around in my life behind my back and making decisions for me without even talking to me, okay?"

 

Kylo opens once.Closes it, then, "Yes, yes, of course.I understand."

 

Finn relaxes.That's good.Easier than he expected.Just one more thing."And cut it with the prophecy and destiny crap, okay?"

 

That's got Kylo back on high alert.

 

"It's not crap!" Kylo snaps back, but although he's just as testy and defensive, he sounds less sure of himself than he had before.

 

"You have literally no idea one way or the other," Finn snaps back.He's not as mad as he was, but it's still dumb as hell and he's not going to have it sitting between them. "You've had some time to think on it; manage to scrape together literally _any_ evidence in your favor since we last had this chat?"

 

Kylo juts out his chin in a pout."I saw you saving me and you _did._ Does it matter if it looked different?Does it matter if it's the Force that brought us together or just that I…" he stumbles over his words and hesitates like a twelve-year-old, "… _like_ you, what difference does it make?"

 

"I don't want you making decisions about our relationship, about _my life_ based on a bunch of fluctuating mystical signs that you don't even really understand and that are probably just all in your head anyway!"

 

"I- You don't understand, Finn.My whole life I've been told to listen to the will of the Force, to try to follow my destiny, to-"

 

"Yeah, and how's that working out for you?"

 

Kylo looks poleaxed, freezes.

 

Finn steps forward, softly, slowlyHe knows, just _knows_ he's got to be gentle about this.He reaches out a hand, cups Kylo's chin."I don't know a whole lot about the Force, but if it's as powerful as everyone seems to think, don't you think it can push you to wherever you need to be without you treating it like…I dunno…some kind of puzzle you have to solve?"

 

Kylo furrows his brows.Finn plows ahead before Kylo can overthink this."Maybe you could just try doing what you think is right to begin with and trust that the Force wants that, too.And if it doesn't - fuck it, maybe the Force is an asshole."

 

Kyo huffs out a laugh and smiles against Finn's palm.

 

"I'll try."

 

Well, if this conversation has solidified anything, it's that Kylo Ren is not some mastermind out to manipulate Finn into sleeping with him.He's just an idiot who happened to accidentally push all of Finn's buttons.

 

_(And what does that say about you then?)_

 

_Shut up._

 

~

 

Finn and Kylo (mostly Finn, to be honest) spend the next few hours ripping the ship apart.They're not about to play that song-and-dance with a tracker more than once, thank you very much.When Finn's gone through every nook and cranny to his satisfaction, they power up and head out. 

 

Dodging out of the star destroyer's scans before making a quick jump to light speed nearly gives Finn a heart attack, but, thankfully, he's not really in charge of any of it.Kylo takes the controls and flies the ship with an ease and skill that has the parts of Finn not preoccupied with imminent death _very_ interested.He hopes it's not too obvious.

 

(The part where he plants himself directly into Kylo's lap the moment they drop out of lightspeed probably is.)

 

~

 

They have to stop for fuel eventually.And food.They end up in a number of backwater space stations that Finn's pretty sure are not legal according _any_ government out there.He's a bit curious how Kylo knows about these kinds of places.Even asks him once.Pain flits across Kylo's face before his expression shutters.Then a smirk, "What, I can't have my secrets?"

 

"You've got pretty much nothing but secr-" Finn chokes off as Kylo starts kissing his way down Finn's torso before taking his cock in his mouth.It's sloppy, but enthusiastic and Kylo wraps himself around Finn when he's finished, sated and content.

 

Finn doesn't ask again.

 

~

 

Kylo starts sleeping less.Finn tries to stay up with him in solidarity, but Kylo waves him off, returns to the control panel to stare out aimlessly at the endless stars.

 

He slips into bed one night and buries his nose in Finn's neck. His breath is coming in shuddering gasps and Finn's skin is damp where the beginnings of tears have slipped out.He tries to comfort Kylo, clumsy and ignorant though he is.He strokes his hair and kisses his forehead and murmurs lies against his skin. "Shhhh, it's okay.You're safe.We're safe."  
  
"He won't stop looking.He's never going to stop looking."

 

Finn's life has never been his own.But the more Kylo lets slip, the more Finn thinks that perhaps Kylo's hasn't really been either.  
  
"You should leave me." Kylo says on a different night after vomiting out half the contents of his stomach. "You could be free; I'm the one he wants.You-Finn, you need to leave me."  
  
He could.He could be free.He could be safe.

 

He would be alone.

 

"Never."

 

~

 

They nearly get caught once and it's not stormtroopers who come after them.No, instead, it's bounty hunters, trained, ruthless.One slices up Finn's back with a vibroblade and the noise Kylo makes at the sight is barely human. 

 

Finn's not entirely conscious as Kylo's stitching him up later, but he thinks the other man might be crying.He's not sure what to do with that information.Even after he wakes, Kylo's face is haunted and he barely looks at Finn.

 

They can't do this forever, can't keep running from shitty spaceport to shitty spaceport while Kylo slowly loses his sanity.They have to find a place, make a home.Or at least have some sort of rest that lasts longer than a few days. 

 

Finn barely knows anything about the various planets out there.He'd known a few key facts about those loyal to the First Order, memorized some stuff about ones related to missions, but his whole world had been within First Order training facilities since as far back as he can remember.This doesn't stop him from pouring over star chart after star chart.

 

Kylo thinks he's wasting his time.Finn pulls him into his lap and makes him help anyway.It's half-hearted at first and involves a lot more wriggling around and touching Finn's thighs than actual looking.But then - after Finn finally indulges him, stroking him off while biting his ear and telling him what a spoiled brat he is - something catches his eye.

 

“Here,” Kylo says, pointing to a tiny dot on the far edge of the navigational chart. “It’s the middle of nowhere and an utter dump so no one will think to look for us there.”

 

His gaze doesn’t really change, but all of a sudden he’s gone from just not looking at Finn to actively Not Looking at Finn. “There’s...” A breath.Kylo clears his throat. “There’s also the possibility that the...the nature of the planet will obscure most signatures, most people's presence in the Force.” Yeah, now he’s _definitely_ avoiding Finn. “Including mine.”

 

Finn’s still not sure how he feels about most of this Force stuff (or if he even knows how most of it works), but Kylo staying the fuck away from Snoke and having some help to keep that shriveled piece of shit out of his head?Seems like a good idea.

 

Out of mild curiosity, Finn leans over and rests his chin on Kylo's shoulder.He places a light kiss underneath his ear and Kylo shivers, though still pointedly refuses to look at him.He runs his hand up and down the other man’s arm, hoping it will convey some of the support and affection that he’s still not sure how to articulate.Finally, he glances down and reads the name of their destination.

 

 

 

_Jakku._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the small, but mighty Finnlo cheerleading squad. I was always going to start this story, but y'all have really helped ensure that I actually finished it. Reading your comments and talking about the story on twitter + tumblr has been so much fun and so helpful. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Lachesis is one of the Greek Fates who determines human destiny.


End file.
